Very excited! My new novel, Thawing A.C. Nielsen, is now up and available for "pre-sale" (just $2.99 for Kindle or other ebook format, then price goes up before the holidays) on Kindle here:
http://amzn.to/2bULRD1
Selling like crazy- please go to that link and consider ordering the ebook or at least sharing the info with other book enthusiasts! It's already hitting top 100 various genre lists on Amazon!
Newly posted there-- a 5-star review from one of the top reviewing companies! Until it goes "live for sale" there won't be any customer reviews or samples-- that happens Oct. 18th. There will also be a paperback version up soon. Check it out and please spread the word. I need all the publicity help I can get since I am not giving away my book to a mainstream publishing house!
I am wondering if any of you would consider reviewing the book. It will be released on Amazon/Kindle on October 18th. I need reviews from regular folks posted to amazon on the release day, if possible. You get a FREE pdf, word.doc or .mobi (Kindle ebook file) copy and plenty of time between now and mid-October to read it. Let me know, friends!
The short, funny chapter 28 brings us back to Khail and Dimi and their very odd reality TV world. Lots of comic relief here!
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“Okay, losers, here we all are again. Nobody could find a
real job?” asked smartass Jak Hammer, executive producer of Dimi & Khail: U Wish it Wuz U. “Trish,
it’s the usual crowd minus Khail. You ready with your brand new Bic
Rollerball?”
“Hey, I happen to have a
new job,” Chris said. “And it’s in reality TV, therefore it’s a real job, huh?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right,”
Jak answered. “Somehow Khail convinced me to put Chris here in total charge of
the one hundredth show. And we’re giving Chris an associate producer tag in the
credits. Listen, Chris, just make sure this thing is celebratory, okay?”
“What?” Dimi whined. “I’m
not going celibatory. I have needs. How the hell am I supposed to keep my hands
off that gorgeous man of mine? That’s messed up, Jak.”
“Oh Lord, Dim, celebratory—like happy. You either need
your ears cleaned out or buy a purse-sized dictionary, thesaurus, something.”
Chris waited patiently
while Jak and Dimi sorted through their crap. He had decided to go all in, for
a while, on the reality TV meal ticket. Stop being so sarcastic and snide, make
some fucking money for a year or two and then get the hell out. “Okay, can I
talk now, people? Here’s what I’ve got for the one hundredth episode. First of
all, Khail’s in Hong Kong modeling, okay? Dimi’s moping, she misses him so
much. And I guess maybe she can talk about being horny with him gone. There,
Dimi, we’ll add that in, okay? You can show off your vibrator collection to
your sister. Anyway, speaking of Konstantina, she and some of the other female
entourage members come get you and take you out to get your nails done and—”
“Nails did, Chris,” Dimi interjected.
“Huh?”
“You get your nails did—you don’t get ’em done. Don’t you
have a girlfriend?”
“Chris, she’s right. All us
women of color get our nails did,”
Shontae added. “Even if most of us speak perfect English the rest of the day.”
“Wait, I’m a woman of color
now, Shontae?” Dimi asked.
“Well, you’re Greek. That’s
enough color for me.”
“Well, thank you, then… I
guess. I’m glad we had our little fight, Shontae. Now we can be friends again.”
“Okay, wow!” Chris said. “Going
on—you get your nails did and then
Konstantina sees those little fish that some salons have that eat away the dead
skin on your feet. You know about them?”
“Hell, yes. But I’m not
putting my feet in there. They’re not eating my toes, Chris,” Dimi said,
squirming in her chair.
“Lord, I need a vacation,”
Jak moaned, popping open a Red Bull.
“Well, that will be the fun
part,” Chris said. “The girls will dare you to do it. It will be hilarious.
We’ll make sure the background music is funny, like cartoon music. Plus we’ll
get plenty of cleavage shots when you’re bending over to see the fish.”
“Hey, that’s good, Chris,”
Julio said. “Then what?”
“Then they all hit a mall
and drop in unexpectedly on one of Dimi’s Saturday Night Sexsations stores. Of course the store manager
will know we’re coming.”
“Of course,” Jak said.
“Well, by now Dimi’s having
so much fun that she’s forgotten about how much she misses Khail. The girls
will start doing free bra fittings on women who happen to be in the store.
It’ll gradually attract a crowd. We’ll make sure to fit some skinny girls,
too—tie it in to the new line for women with impoverished chests, right?”
“Okay, then what, Chris?”
Jak asked. “You’ve got funny, you’ve got sexy, you’ve got cleavage, you’ve got
product placement. Where’s the celebratory, man?”
“Yeah, Chris, he’s right,”
Julio said, turning to Chris. “We need a big ending.”
“I got it, don’t worry. So
the girls are now sucking down cocktails at some mall restaurant—like a chain
joint everyone knows, we’ll line up product placement. They’re sitting around
yakking and laughing, getting a little tipsy when all of a sudden Khail shows
up in an amazing tuxedo. But not just him by himself. All the bodyguards are in
tuxes, too. We’ll get shots of the girls swooning when they see what Theo looks
like in a tux, right? The guys walk up and give a dozen roses to each girl. Then
Khail presents Dimi with a bouquet of one hundred roses and then delivers the
sexiest kiss ever on TV. Then we drop balloons and massive amounts of confetti
down from the upper floors of the mall. Dimi will act surprised, like she had
no idea Khail was going to show up. We get plenty of happy, excited crowd
shots, this that and everything.”
Jak sat in thought for a
moment, tapping his pen on his notepad. Everyone waited for his opinion. “Hell yes!
That is an OMG FYI OMG winner. Bronsteyn, you little weasel, you hit it out of
the park. I never knew you had it in you!”
No comments:
Post a Comment